What You Say
by lisa2302
Summary: Haley James has only loved one boy her entire life, but she's never been able to have him. NathanHaley.
1. Prologue

_A/N: I have several stories that I should really finish before I start another one, but I just couldn't get this story out of my head. It is a bit different then the other Nathan/Haley stories that I've written, but I hope you enjoy it._

_- Lisa_

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**What You Say  
**_Prologue_

It was dark as Haley James drove down the familiar roadway. She was on her way back to Tree Hill. It was New Years Eve and Brooke had called begging her to come back. It wasn't a long drive, but she'd been at work all day and the prospect of beginning yet another year in Tree Hill wasn't great.

Four years had passed since high school graduation and Haley had hoped it was the end of her Tree Hill drama, but things never really turned out the way she wanted. That's one thing Haley had figured out a long time ago.

A large part of her had seriously considered staying back at their apartment, watching a Felicity marathon, and eating Coffee ice cream. But Brooke was persistent and if she didn't go, she'd have to listen to her to her bitch when she returned from the holidays. The two girls, both attending university in Charleston, had been living together for the past six months. Plus, Brooke had promised to have a bottle of Haley's favorite whiskey waiting for her when she arrived. Though, that wasn't the real reason she was returning.

It was because of him. Every time she came back, it was because of him. At least a small part of it was. She told herself it wasn't, but deep now, she knew it was. Fortunately, no one else did, not even Brooke. She had her suspicions, but Haley made sure to never confirm them. It didn't matter that she hadn't talked to him in two years. It didn't matter that he was currently dating his high school girlfriend and her former roommate and at one time best friend. It didn't even matter that he probably wasn't going to be there. Just the prospect of encountering him was enough to bring her back. It was pathetic when you really got down to it, but she couldn't help herself. He had this hold over her that she couldn't explain and that wouldn't go away. Time, distance, other relationships, rumors, broken hearts, friendship, school - none of it had erased what he did to her. It was still as strong as the first time she had realized it was there.

Freshman year. That's when she met him. That's when her life changed. She became friends with Peyton to get to him. They weren't dating at the time, but they ran in the same crowd. She'd known Peyton since they were little kids in dance class, but because Haley's parents had placed her in private school, they hadn't really hung out. But times changed and Haley changed. It had been easy to become a part of their crowd, which was surprising. But she was smart and she was kind and they appreciated that. She was their virgin. She was their good girl. She had become a part of their group and she became his friend.

He was the tough guy. The one everyone went to and followed and looked up to. The center of their little world. He was known for his ability on the court and lack there of in the class room. She had helped him. He had been appreciative. He was an ass to some, but to her, he was always kind. He always made her feel comfortable. He always listened when she spoke. He always defended her when someone attacked. He had proven to be everything and more than she had ever imagined.

Unfortunately, none of that had turned into what she had wanted. It was simple really and she should have expected it. He was experienced and she wasn't. It wouldn't have mattered if she had been just another girl, but she wasn't. She was his friend. She had thought that would lead to something more, but it hadn't. He knew how she felt. They all did, but nothing came of it. She would have done anything for him had he asked, but he didn't. She had thought developing a friendship with him would make him want her. It had made him respect her instead.

He got back with Peyton at the end of junior year and they had been together ever since. But here she was, driving back to Tree Hill with the hope of seeing him and hoping that finally he would see her the way she longed for him to. The way she needed him to.


	2. Tomorrow

**What You Say**  
_Chapter One - Tomorrow_

It was Thursday and Haley had finally made it home from another long day of school and work. She fell into the sea of pillows that occupied her bed. It was her safe place and she longed to be enveloped in the softness of it all day. Three weeks had passed since New Years and she was a mess. He had been there this time and he had turned her world upside down all over again.

Midnight had come and gone. Haley had been in the corner of the tiny club talking to Brooke, Theresa, and a few others when she felt someone's eyes on her. She turned around and saw him, clear across the room, watching her with the familiar smirk planted on his face. She had smiled, he had come over, and they talked as though time had never separated them. Peyton had been there, but Lucas, a friend they had brought with them, had occupied most of her night, a friend they had brought with them. Haley hadn't complained.

They had spent most of the night catching up. Nathan, who had spent the first three years after high school in Australia playing basketball, was finally back to stay. He was working and preparing to start school in the fall. He had moved to Charlotte where Peyton was living when he returned and that's where they had been ever since. He said he didn't like it there. He said he missed her. He said she was beautiful. He said he would call.

A week had passed and Haley hadn't heard from him. She'd given up and figured it was just something he had said in the moment. It was what she had wanted to hear and somehow he had always known what it was she wanted him to say, that night had been no exception. She should have known he wasn't going to call. Brooke had told her he wouldn't. She was starting to believe her. On the tenth day, her phone rang and it was Nathan. He had called everyday after that.

She never knew when to expect it. Sometimes it was early in the morning before he had to go to work. Other times, it was late at night after Peyton had gone to bed. It didn't matter that he woke her. She had forgotten how much she loved the sound of his voice. It was strong, but quiet. Haley would lie in bed and listen to his voice. Sometimes he would whisper. She liked that best. It made her feel like he was right there next to her.

Haley glanced at the clock. It was only 7:15. He wouldn't be calling anytime soon. She hated that she waited for him like this. But she wanted to talk to him. She'd gone too long without it and she didn't want to play games with him. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to know how his days were. She wanted to know what he was thinking. He still trusted her and he didn't trust anyone. Not even Peyton. She wanted to be there to listen. She liked that he was there to listen to her. She trusted him and she didn't trust anyone. Not even Brooke, most of the time.

"Haley, your phone's ringing," Brooke called from the living room. She practically flew off the bed. Haley picked up her phone and smiled when she saw his name on the caller ID. She walked back to her room and shut the door.

"Hello."

"Hey." He greeted softly "You home?"

"Yeah. About half an hour ago."

"How was your day?"

"Tiring. I don't know what I was thinking scheduling all my classes and a shift on one day."

"I'm sorry, Hales. I'm sure my calling at 3:00am didn't help much either."

"You'd be surprised. So how was your day?"

"Good. Peyton went to the movies with Lucas. I told her I was working late."

"You're still at work?"

"Yeah. Just hanging out in the office. I do have some things to do here, but I wanted to call you."

"I'm glad you did."

"I know." A few moments of silence fell between them. "I actually wanted to ask you something."

"Anything."

"Peyton's going to see her Dad in Boston this weekend and I thought maybe I could some see you."

Haley could barely contain her giddiness. "You want to come here?"

"If you don't care."

"You know I don't, Nathan."

"Yeah. I just - I forgot how much I missed you, Haley."

"When do you think you're going to be here?"

"You work until 6:00, right? I'm off at noon tomorrow and I thought I could meet you and we'd have dinner and maybe a movie or whatever. Anything you want."

"It sounds fun. I'll give you directions." Haley spent the next fifteen minutes trying to explain all of the exits, turns, and stoplights to Nathan before saying good-bye.

Haley couldn't stop smiling as she walked back into the living room.

"I guess your call with Nathan went well," Brooke said turning her attention away from the latest episode of _The OC_.

"He's coming tomorrow."

"Nathan's coming here? What about Peyton?"

"She's going out of town."

"So, why's he coming?"

"To see me."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Brooke hated to bring her friend down, but somebody needed to be realistic in this situation. She knew how deeply Haley cared about Nathan. She even knew that Nathan cared about Haley. But what was more important was the fact that Nathan and Peyton had spent almost half of their lives together. He wasn't going to leave her. If all the things she had done in the past weren't going to make him leave, then nothing was.

"I miss him, Brooke."

"I know you do, sweetie. But Nathan's with Peyton."

"I know that."

"But you pretend like you don't. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm not."

"Just be careful."

"Of what? We're just friends, Brooke."

"You and I both know that's a lie. If you want to do this, then go ahead, but don't say that I didn't warn you."

"Thanks for all of the support," Haley spat sarcastically.

"I'm just looking out for you."

"Whatever, Brooke."

Haley went in the kitchen to make her dinner. She thought about Nathan. She thought about how sweet his voice sounded when he greeted her. She thought about the fact that he was coming to see her. Her smile reappeared. Tomorrow was going to be a great day.


	3. Good

_Thanks for reviewing. **Hanna **I'm glad that you're reading even though you're not a Nathan/Haley fan. I hope you stick around for the rest of it. **Lysser8312 **thank you for reviewing not only this story, but my others as well. I always enjoy reading your comments. And you're right, I do lean more towards LB. I usually refuse to read, much less write, LP,but they just sort of happened here._

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****What You Say  
**_Chapter Two - Good_

Nathan turned the radio up louder as he drove. There was another hour left in his drive to Charleston and he was becoming a bit nervous, which was not a normal feeling for him. He was a calm and collected, always in control, person. However, seeing Haley those few weeks ago had completely messed with his head.

He had thought about her a lot while he was gone and he hadn't been lying when he told her he missed her. He knew that she cared about him. He'd always known, but there was nothing he could do about it then. He was with Peyton. He was still with Peyton. The only difference now was that he wasn't a boy. He wasn't in high school and he didn't have to live up to anyone else's expectations. He didn't have an entire town watching his every move. He didn't have his friends hounding him all the time about whom he was dating. Being with Peyton was what he was supposed to do. But more than that, it was what he could do. He could love Peyton and he could let her love him back because they were the same. In high school, he had cared about Haley, but he had loved Peyton. He had loved her more than he should have. They saw the world in the same way. They knew that sometimes things were crap and that it wasn't just about them, it was about everyone around them as well. But ever since he came back, things had been

different. They weren't the same as they had once been and they both knew it. That's why she was spending so much time with Lucas these days and why he didn't really care. It was why he was going to see Haley and though he was sure Peyton would care because she'd always been a bit insecure about his and Haley's relationship, he knew it was something he had to do.

Even before he'd formally met Haley, he'd known that she was different. She wasn't like all of the girls he had been hung out with before. She cared about more than just boys and fashion. She had substance.

He knew then that had he tried to be anything more than her friend, he would have broken her heart, so he didn't. She was special to him then and her friendship was what he had needed more than anything at the time. She didn't care that he was a star athlete or homecoming king or the hottest guy in school. She had seen him for who he really was and with her he never had to pretend. She had graciously accepted him as the boy he was, not the one everyone wanted him to be. She would never know how much he appreciated it.

So, now as he got closer to his destination and Haley, he couldn't help the nervousness. He was here to figure out just what it was that he wanted with her. Before, it had been friendship. Now, he was thinking it was something more.

It was ten minutes until six when he pulled into the parking lot of her workplace. He had made sure to be early. He didn't want to make her wait. Not in the cold or in general. He knew how much his coming meant to her. He had heard it in her voice. He didn't want her to doubt him.

Fifteen minutes had gone by before he saw her small frame walk through the giant glass doors. He smiled as he got out of the truck to meet her.

"Haley!" He called seeing her looking around for him. Nathan noticed her face light up and he couldn't help but smile. When they finally got to one another, he wrapped her in his arms, taking her by surprise.

"I guess my instructions weren't half bad," she said leaving his embrace.

"I don't know why you were worried. You've always been able to explain things to me."

"True."

"So, do you have any ideas of what you want to do?"

"There's a really great Chinese restaurant down the street. I was thinking we could have dinner and decide the rest there."

"Sounds good. I love Chinese." He opened the door to his truck for her and she stepped in.

"I know." She replied easily.

He smiled and just looked at her for a few seconds. She wasn't looking back at him. Instead, she was focusing on the pattern of her skirt. He was making her nervous. "Yeah. I guess you do." His voice came out softer than he had intended. Haley looked up and her eyes met his. She smiled shyly. Nathan shut the door and walked over to his side to get in.

Haley directed him to the restaurant and the rest of their ride was filled with casual conversation. He asked her about her day and she asked about the drive. The initial awkwardness they had both felt was slowly melting away as they eased back into who they were together.

After they had finished eating, they had yet to decide on where the rest of the evening would take them. "Charleston doesn't have much of a night life," Haley said taking a sip of her soda. "There's the theater, a few clubs, miniature golf, Brooke's boyfriend, Jake, is having a party, but other than that, it's pretty quiet here."

"I kind of like the quiet now. I think I've gotten most of the late, drunken nights out of my system."

"You're barely 22, Nathan."

"Yeah, but I've been doing it since I was 15. Besides, it's pointless."

"I tried telling you that when we were 15."

"I should have listened." There were several moments of silence before Nathan spoke again. "Being away made me realize that some things are worth spending time doing and others aren't. I like the parties, Haley and I still go to them every now and then, but it's not the same as it used to be. They used to be my life. I used to live for the nights out with the guys where we would get wasted and wrestle and just make absolute fools of ourselves. I used to think that was the best thing in the world, but now I know it's not. I don't want to be fifteen anymore. I don't want to wake up with a hangover every morning. I don't want to live the rest of my life the way I did in Tree Hill."

"What do you want, Nathan?"

Before he could answer, his cell rang. "It's Peyton." Haley excused herself to the restroom and Nathan watched her disappear behind the door before answering.

"Hey."

"Hey, babe."

"Did your flight make it to Boston alright?"

"Yeah. I slept most of the way. And the lady sitting next to me had the most adorable little boy. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like Lucas. And he didn't cry, thank goodness. Last time I sat next to this little brat who would not be quiet for anything. It was much better. So what are you doing?"

"Nothing much. Just hanging out. Are you on your way to your dad's?"

"I'm meeting him for dinner first. I don't know why we couldn't meet at his apartment and then go. Now, I have to carry my bags with me to the restaurant. Hopefully, he'll be there and I can just leave them in his car. The cab driver already had a difficult time getting them all loaded."

"I told you you packed too much."

"I just want to be prepared."

"Well, I'm sure you are."

"We're actually pulling up at the restaurant now, so I better go. I'll see you when I get back."

"Have a good time, Peyt."

"I'll try. Love you."

"You too."

Nathan pushed the phone back in his pocket and went to pay the bill. He had just finished when Haley reemerged from the restroom.

"Perfect timing."

"So have you decided what you want to do?" She asked trying to control her emotions. His phone call with Peyton had been a bit of a reality check for her. She knew he was with Peyton, but most of the time, she let herself forget.

"I thought maybe we could rent a movie and just go back to your place. We haven't really spent any time together. Is that okay? Because if you want to go somewhere, I'm fine with that."

"I'd like that."

"Good." He smiled and opened the door for her to walk out.

"So what do you want to watch first? _Napoleon Dynamite_, _Collateral_, or _Garden State_."

"Whatever you want," Haley called from the kitchen where she was popping a bag of popcorn.

Nathan sat on her bedroom floor waiting for her to finish. "So what did you decide?" She asked walking in with a large bowl and shutting the door behind her.

"You pick."

"Nathan, I really don't care."

"Neither do I, but I want you to pick."

"Why?"

"Would you please just choose."

"I really don't see why you're making such a big deal about this, but I pick _Garden State_." Nathan smiled. "I see you're satisfied with the choice."

"I'm satisfied you chose the one you really wanted to see."

"And you're saying I don't want to see the others?"

"Not as much as this one."

"You're the one who picked it."

"Because you were raving about how fantastic everyone said it was on the phone last week." Haley looked surprised. "I do pay attention to what you say, Haley."

"I know." She replied softly and crawled onto her bed.

"Good." Nathan put the DVD in and turned off the light. He sat down and pulled her into his arms. Her body fit perfectly against his. "I'm really glad I came here," he whispered just before the movie began to play..


	4. Anymore

**What You Say  
**_Chapter Three - Anymore_

Two weeks had passed since Nathan's visit and nothing had changed. Nathan was still calling Haley every night. He was still telling Haley everything that she wanted to hear, but he was also still living with his girlfriend. Though she no longer talked to Peyton, the girl had at one time been Brooke's closest friend. Brooke felt like strangling him. It wasn't that she didn't like Nathan, because she did. He was a good guy, but what he was doing to Haley, and even Peyton, wasn't right.

She had noticed a change in Haley over the last week. Though she was still happy to hear from Nathan, it was becoming painful as well. Brooke had a feeling that Haley was starting to realize what she had told her from the beginning. Nathan wasn't going to leave Peyton. Brooke would hear her laughing while on the phone with him, but as soon as they hung up, she was moping around the apartment. She'd tried everything to make Haley forget about him for even a second, but nothing was working. Nathan was killing her friend and if he couldn't see it, then was going to show him.

After a lot of persuasion, Brooke had managed to send Haley to the store to pick up a few things she had conjured up on a list, saying she had a headache and couldn't drive. Truth was, she just needed Haley gone long enough to talk to Nathan, who was due any minute now. As if reading her mind, there was a knock on the door.

"Hey," he said casually when she opened the door. "Is Haley here?"

"She'll be back in a bit. Come in."

"Thanks." There was a short silence, but Brooke quickly got to the point.

"Sit. You and I need to talk."

"Okay." He did as instructed. He and Brooke had never been close. They'd run in the same crowd, but had a different net of close friends. She and Peyton had been close while they'd dated in high school, but usually when he was around; Brooke was off with her boy toy of the minute. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Don't play coy with me, Nathan. You know exactly what I want to talk to you about."

He sighed. "Haley."

"Yes. What the hell are you doing with her?"

"You're not going to understand, Brooke."

"No, I'm probably not. I don't understand how you can claim to care for her and tell her all the things you do and then just let her here alone. You know how much you mean to her and for you to take advantage of that makes…"

"I'm not taking advantage of her."

"The hell you're not. Just because you're not sleeping with her, doesn't mean you're not taking advantage of her. I don't know what is going on in that head of yours, but you need to figure it out. Because I am not going to let you do this to her."

"I'm not doing anything to her."

"And that's the problem. You take and you take, but you don't give her anything back. I don't know what you want from her, but you can't have it if you're not willing to give her something back. She deserves better than that."

"I know she does."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I'm trying to figure things out. It's not simple, okay. I care about her, Brooke. She makes me feel more alive than I have in a really long time, but then there's Peyton."

"Yeah. There's Peyton. There's always been Peyton, Nathan. The two of you have been together for as long as I can remember. You've put up with a lot of crap from her, some of it that you probably don't even know about, but you don't care. You stay anyway. So, why should I think that now is going to be any different? Are you really going to walk away from her? Are you going to leave all of that behind? That's what Haley wants from you. That's what she keeps telling herself is going to happen. And I just don't see you doing it. I can't see you letting Peyton go and if you're not, then you need to end this with Haley because she deserves better, even if she doesn't think so."

"I know, but I've been thinking that maybe Peyton and I are in the past."

"Whatever you've been thinking, you better figure it out soon. I'm not going to let you hurt her, Nathan."

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

"I know, but it doesn't really matter because you already are, Nathan. I can't imagine what it's like to be you and as confused and conflicted as you may be, you have to make a decision. You can't let things continue how they are now. It's not right. I have to meet Jake for dinner now, but think about what I said."

The moment Brooke closed the door Nathan slumped into the couch. She has always been direct. It seemed time hadn't changed that about her. The truth was that he had thought about everything she said. It had been eating at him for weeks, but he didn't know what to do. He'd enjoyed seeing and talking to Haley more so than he had with anyone else for a long time. She had only grown more beautiful in the years that had passed between them. She still had such an amazing heart and such innocence. She didn't see the world the way that Peyton did. She always found the best in everything, including him. He didn't know that he was hurting her, though. He thought they were okay. He thought she understood. But maybe he hadn't been showing her the whole picture. He closed his eyes and tried to relax before she got back. Not five minutes passed before she came walking through the door.

"Hey. You're here."

"Yeah."

She sat the bags she had carried in by the TV and went to him. "Are you okay?" She asked immediately. "You look a bit out of it."

"No. I'm fine. It was a long drive, that's all."

"Oh. Okay. Is Brooke in her room? I have some things for her."

"No. She said she was meeting Jake for dinner."

"What? She just told me she had a headache and couldn't drive. She made me go to the store for her."

"I guess it went away."

"Are you sure you're okay, Nathan? Do you want a drink or something? Are you hungry? I can make you something." She moved to get up, but he grabbed her hand.

"I'm okay, Haley." He said quietly. "I had a long drive and," he paused briefly, "I missed you. I just want you to sit with me." Haley obliged to his request and snuggled into his embrace. She could hear his heart beat and feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. It was comforting and constant and it set her at ease for a while. As much as she loved Nathan, being with him was starting to hurt. It hurt because she knew he was going to leave. Every time she hung up the phone with him, she was reminded that there was someone else he was spending all of his days with. Every time she was awakened in the middle of the night, she couldn't help but think about the reason he was calling so late. She was beginning to accept the fact that maybe the fantasy of being with him was all she was ever meant to have. She was starting to wish that she had never seen him again. "What are you thinking?" He ran his fingers through her hair and looked down at her.

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Nothing."

"I know that's not true. You're always thinking something." She moved to face him, but before she could say anything, his phone rang. He looked at the number and then back at Haley, guilt written all over his face.

"I think you should get that." Her voice had come out colder than she had planned, but she didn't care as she got up and walked to her room.

Nathan could see now what Brooke had been talking about. He had noticed it as soon as she walked through the door. She was different. She was sad. And if he hadn't of noticed before, then her reaction to Peyton's call would have clued him in. He was hurting her.

A few minutes passed after his call with Peyton before he walked down the hall to Haley's room. He gently pushed the door open and found her sitting on her bed with her legs curled underneath her. Her eyes were off somewhere he couldn't identify and silent tears rolled down her face. Watching her made him ache. "Haley," he began gently.

"I think you should go." Her voice was distant.

"Haley, you don't mean that. I know this is complicated and that it's not exactly the best situation, but I know you don't really want me to go."

She turned to him now. "Complicated. Not the best situation. Nathan, those words don't come close to describing what this is like for me. And it doesn't really matter what I want because I'm not going to get it."

"What is it exactly that you want, Haley? This whole time we've talked about what I wanted, but you've never told me what you wanted."

"That's because I don't have to. You already know."

"Tell me."

"Why are you doing this, Nathan? Why are you making this harder?"

"Because I need to hear you say it. I need to know what you're feeling. I can't guess anymore. If I'm going to figure any of this out, I need you to be completely honest with me."

"Fine. You want me to be honest, I will." Her voice was louder now. "I want to spend every day with you. I want to see your face as soon as I wake up every morning. I want to feel your arms around me every night when I go to sleep. I don't want to have to worry about if I'll see you again. I don't want to think about what you're doing with your girlfriend while I'm sitting by myself trying to forget you. I want don't want to share you with anyone. I don't want to pretend like I'm the most important person to you. I want to actually be that person. I want to mean everything to you that you mean to me. I want to stop pretending that everything is okay. I want everything to actually be okay. To put it simply, I want you, Nathan. Every single atom of your body and part of your soul, I want it to belong to me and only me." Haley furiously wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "I used to think that as long as I had a part of you, I would be okay. But I won't. I've gotten too far into this. I've fallen too far into you now. I love you, Nathan and because of that, you have to leave. You have to stop calling and you have to stop seeing me because I can't take it anymore. It's killing me to love you and not be able to have you."

"Then why send me away? How is that going to make it any better?"

"Because if I don't see you, then maybe I'll forget you."

"But I don't want you to forget me."

"You wanted to know what I want and that's it. If I can't have you, then I want to forget you. So, if you care about me at all, you'll turn around and walk away right now." He stood motionless. Her voice was soft and full of pain when she spoke next. "Nathan, please." He had never heard her say his name that way before. It was dripping with heartache. His eyes locked on hers once more before he turned and walked away. He didn't want to, but it was all he was capable of giving her now.


	5. Pieces

_What You Say  
_**Chapter Four - Pieces**

When Brooke had gotten home Friday night, she had noticed that Nathan was gone. Assuming he had ended things with Haley, she gave her best friend space. She'd had her heart ripped out once in her life and from that experience knew that time was an important factor in healing the wound. When Haley was ready, she would come to her. Brooke and Jake were in the living room watching television late Sunday night and they were both too busy trying to let Haley be to even pay attention to what was on the screen.

"I can't take this anymore." Brooke sat up and faced her boyfriend. "She's been locked in her bedroom for almost two days."

"You're telling me. She's been playing that damn _Dawson's Creek_ show every time I've been here. If I hear Pacey Witter say 'it's over isn't it' one more time, I'm going to hurt myself. There's only so much melodrama a man can take."

Brooke slapped his chest. "I'm serious, Jake."

"So am I." She rolled her eyes.

"I've only seen her leave her room one time and that was yesterday morning to use the bathroom. She hasn't eaten anything, she hasn't showered..."

"There are more important things than showering, Brooke."

"Not when you're Haley James. The woman is the queen of personal hygiene."

"Aren't you the one who told me that her heart was broken in a million little pieces and that it was going to take everything in her to get over him?" Brooke nodded. "Then what's the matter? She just wants to be alone."

"I have no problem with her being alone, Jake. I just want to know that she's okay, that she is getting over him. If she's not eating or doing anything but watching those crazy Dawson's kids and all their whacked out drama, then she's not getting over him. She's avoiding reality and making things worse."

"I know you're worried about her." Jake reached out for Brooke and brought her back into his embrace. "But you've got to let her come to terms with this herself. You telling her what she needs to do, isn't going to help. You know that. She's got work and class tomorrow, right?" Brooke nodded. "So, then she'll be back to a schedule and she won't be able to hide out in her room."

"But what if she does?"

"If Haley blows off work and school, then I'll talk to her."

"I just want her to be okay." "I know you do and she will be. I promise." Jake kissed her temple and then turned his attention back to the screen.

* * *

Haley pulled her comforter tighter around her as she watched a frantic Joey Potter run into Dawson's room. She used to live for this stuff. Hoping and praying that one day her life would be just a little bit as exciting and dramatic as the characters she watched on television. Her entire life she had lived in a safe, sheltered bubble. Nothing too bad or too good ever entered into the equation. She had longed for excitement and dramatics.

Unfortunately, no actor was talented enough to actually make her feel their pain when she watch them. She never felt her heart being ripped out whenever she watched Joey break-up with Pacey or tell Dawson he wasn't being fair. No one had ever explained to her that it wasn't always just acting, sometimes people really did hurt like that. No one had told her that it was possible to actually feel as though someone had reached inside your body and ripped out your heart. Nothing on television or in books had prepared her for what she was feeling.

She ached. She ached all over. Her body didn't want to move. Her mind couldn't hold a thought for longer than a few seconds. Nothing wanted to function the way it was supposed to. She couldn't think of Nathan, but she couldn't not think of him. He was just there. Haunting her. All she could see was his face when she'd told him to leave and then his back walking away. It hurt a little more every time.

His leaving was supposed to make everything better. It was supposed to uncomplicated everything that was complicated. It was supposed to make everything that was hurting, stop. It was supposed to be the answer. It wasn't.

The worst part was, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't reason what the next step would be. She wasn't even sure if she cared what the next step was supposed to be. She was stuck in the most awful place she had ever been. And for the first time, she wished that her life would be just a little more simple. That there would be no dramatics and excitement. She wished that it was just a normal routine of monotonous things. She wished she'd never fallen in love.

* * *

"What's up with, Nate?" Lucas asked walking into the kitchen. "I just tried to talk to him and it was like he didn't even hear me." 

Peyton sighed. "I don't know. He's been like that since he got back Friday night."

"I thought he was going with his dad to visit his grandparents?"

"So did I. But he came back around three o'clock Saturday morning, mumbled something about his grandmother getting sick and hasn't said much of anything else since."

"Do you think it's serious? His grandmother?"

"I don't know. He won't talk to me and when Nathan doesn't want to talk, there's really no making him."

Lucas watched Peyton as she rinsed the dishes in the sink. She looked tired and pale. "Are you okay?"

"He used to talk to me, Luke. I never had to make him." Her voice was fragile and weak as she spoke and it through Lucas off. For as long as he had known Peyton, she had been strong and confident. Hearing her like this wasn't something he was used to and he didn't want to be. "If there was something wrong, before I even had the chance to ask, he was telling me about it. And now I can't get anything out of him. I don't know how sick his grandmother is. I don't even know if she's really sick. Something could have happened with his dad before they even left Tree Hill and I have no idea." Lucas could see the tears threatening to fall and he instinctively reached for her, drawing her to him. "I just want to know that he's okay."

"I know you do, Peyt." He rubbed her back, trying to give her some sort of comfort. "I'm sure he'll come around." Peyton nodded and pulled away from Lucas a few seconds later. She wiped the stray tears from her cheeks.

"Sorry about that little breakdown."

"Don't be." His eyes held hers for a few moments before a shy smile crossed her face. "Well, I better go. Maybe you two can talk or something."

"Yeah." Her smile disappeared as the thought of Nathan and his strange behavior came back to mind.

* * *

Nathan sat in front of the television tuned to ESPN the same as it had for the last several hours. He couldn't remember anything that had been displayed. He didn't care. He was too busy trying to figure out just when it was that his life had become so damn complicated. 

Once upon a time, his life had been fun and easy and light. He didn't have his heart telling him one thing and his head telling him another. For such a long time they had always pointed him in the same direction. In the past his head ad his heart had always led him to Peyton. That wasn't the case anymore and it was tearing him apart.

He loved Peyton and he knew that he always would, but somewhere along the line, his love for her had changed. The passion and heat that had once driven their relationship had slowly faded away. When he looked at her now, when he touched her now, his body didn't react the way it used to. It saddened him.

Never once had he wished to fall out of love with her. For so long, she had been his life. Whenever he had pictured his future, she was the one person that was always there without fail. He used to think that he couldn't live without her. Now, he knew that wasn't the case. He was thinking more and more that maybe he couldn't live with her.

The one thing he did know was that Haley was stuck in his thoughts. She refused to leave him. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her face. The more he thought about her, the more he realized he needed her in his life. Walking away from her forever wasn't something he was ready to accept.


End file.
